It's just one day.
I got to talking to a friend this morning. She had a crap day yesterday, the day before that, was my crap day. The kind of day where I question anything and everything I'm doing, but even I know...you can't do yourself like that. We're all allotted days where nothing is right and everything falls apart.
So, today I told myself...it was literally just ONE day. Every morning we wake up, we get to start over. How lucky are we? We get this slot of time and light to do whatever we want, structure our day how we see fit.
Home schooling is both a monumentous blessing and dare I say it...curse. Some days it feels like god has bestowed this HUGE rock on my head and I'm sitting here asking what the hell I'm supposed to do with all this weight. Running 2 businesses, having a one year old and being plagued with 'my house can never be messy' syndrome...on top of home schooling a 6 year old is a constant circus both in reality and in my head. I'm not one that can 'embrace' messy...I'd like to, truly...but I can't...I was raised in a house where my Mom never sat down, she was always cleaning something...it's not a bad trait...it's just hard to let go of sometimes.
I have days where we are on top of the world, but on our crap days is when I have these 'A-HA' moments, where I'm like 'oh, ok...god, you playin' and I know he's tearing things down around me to build me up and teach me lessons. SLOW DOWN is the biggest one. I'm always thinking ahead, I have a really hard time being in the moment. So, after our crap day on Tuesday, yesterday we didn't turn the T.V. on once, Cam didn't have any of her electronics...and we schooled, so, very peacefully. She was pleasant and I felt happy and calm. Sometimes 'noise' is not actual noise..it's just 'things' that distract us and it doesn't take me long to figure out what those things are when I can set aside the fact that we've had a bad day and re-group and remind myself 'it's not a bad life, it's just a bad day." I KNOW I am so blessed, in most every aspect...I wouldn't allow myself to dwell on anything negative for too long but you can wallow for a day, feel your 'short-lived' misery and then move on.
I absolutely put too much pressure on this thing. We're doing this for the freedom, the purpose of being able to explore whenever we want, learn from experiences and because the universe was like "Hey, don't sign your kid up for public school...you got this." And I'm all like "....uh, ok?" Gravitational pull is funny and real, you can't stop energy and force...so I did it and I'm doing it and we're doing it and Camden is really thriving, we're reading short sight word books...they're so wonderful.
You can buy them here: (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1935610007/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
If we're comparing ourselves to what she 'should' know, we've been there, done that..and it's all fine.
I often find myself putting us in a box and I have to stop doing it. The only validation I need is Camden and her level of happiness and that's second to nothing and literally ALL that matters. Even if she couldn't write her name (she can, though)...we'd practice and figure it out together and that's the whole point. Does she get up before 9:30, ever? No. Do we sometimes shove school aside and do it when the house is quiet and its' midnight? Yeah. Do we try our best to stick to a routine? Yeah, but...kids. Am I doing this right? AB-SO-FLIPPIN-LUTE-LY.
Mamas, have your bad days...it's okay. If you're happy and your kids are happy and your mental is at least at 50%...and your marbles aren't ALL the way gone...you good, we good...ISSSS ALLL GOOD!!!
DO YOU and WORRY 'BOUT YO' SELF. Life ebs and flows, let it.
I'm going to go clean up the eggs my 1 year old has flung every which way, snag a coffee...and go on about my wonderful day!